


I Will Be the One You Need (I Just Can’t Be Without You)

by livielove



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: But not actually related, M/M, Parent Tony Stark, Peter is kidnapped, SHIELD won’t do anything about it, Son Peter Parker, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark is not Iron Man, Tony needs Avengers help, Vigilante Avengers, loki never came to earth, more like May Parker was having trouble coping with Ben’s death, so she put Peter in his godfather’s care
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-05-21 04:54:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14908727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livielove/pseuds/livielove
Summary: Tony didn’t care what Nick said. Peter was missing and if SHIELD didn’t want to help Tony, he’ll find someone who will.OrAfter Peter goes missing and SHIELD refuses to help, Tony seeks the help of the Avengers, a vigilante group of superheroes who will help almost anyone......For a price.





	1. Tony

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in an alternate universe where Tony Stark was never kidnapped, Loki never attached NY, and SHIELD did not assemble the Averngers. Instead they found each other and now are a group of super humans who will rescue people if they are paid. Tony still found out Stane was selling his weapons to terrorists and stopped manufacturing weapons. This (obviously) doesn’t go along with the movies.

A long time ago, Tony Stark decided he was not Dad material. 

Of course, May only asked him to be Peter’s guardian until she could recover from Ben’s death. She said something about not being able to be responsible for Peter while so deep in the stages of grief. The only thing Tony could think about is how he wouldn’t be able to be responsible at any moment, which was selfish. God, Stark, a man just died and he could still only think about himself. But he had said yes because how could he not? He had worked with Richard Parker and had actually had become close with them-well, as close as two distant scientists could get. 

He was only supposed to take care of Peter for a few months, but, after a few awkward days, he found Peter was actually really smart and they bonded over science. Peter ended up staying with May during the week and Tony during the weekends. Kind of like joint custody. 

Peter ran in the house. “Mr. Stark! I got an A on the science final!” Tony turned around. “Great job, Pete. I knew you would. Want to help me on the lab?” Peter nodded and ran down. 

“... and Ned got the LEGO Death Star. We’re going to build it next week and it going to be huge!” Peter rambled on every time they go to the lab. Tony loved it. It’s distracting and he has been told (by Pepper) he can be too focused on his work.

In fact, it had gotten him in trouble before. He poured himself into his work, creating weapons of mass destruction without making sure they went to the good guys. If Pepper hadn’t constantly nagged him to “join the real world” he may have never caught Stane selling his weapons to terrorists. The worst part was Obi was the one he trusted most with his company. Obi had been the one who encouraged his work the most and was most excited about his latest (and last) weapon, the Jericho. If Tony tried he could still hear him begging Tony to go let him go through with the deal because it will bring in lots of money. Even in his dying breaths he was a snake who only cared about profit. Tony couldn’t believe he had trusted him. 

Now he no longer makes weapons, but instead invests his time into clean energy. Peter helps him with smaller projects. He had actually helped him get his life together and Rhodey says Peter may be his saving grace, the one thing that keeps him from going off the deep end. 

”Mr. Stark?” Peter asked, looking up at him with big eyes. “Yeah, kid?” “Um,” Peter gave him an apologetic look that makes him look like a puppy, “I know we were supposed to hang out this weekend, but my friend Liz is throwing a party and Ned and I want to go. Is that-is that fine?” Tony sighed. “Sure, Pete. Just no drinking or drugs or anything illegal, got it?” Peter lit up. “Of course, Mr. Stark! I was going to head over to Ned’s house so we can hang out before! Can I sleep over too?” “Of course. Just don’t stay out too late and be safe,” Tony warned. But of course Peter would. He was a good kid, so unlike Tony had been at his age.

Tony watched as Peter ran out the door and shouted “Bye Mr. Stark!” He watched the door for a minute (he didn’t know why) and then turned back to his work. He had JARVIS blast his play list and set his phone on do not disturb. He didn’t feel like making sarcastic remarks to convince Pepper he was fine. 

After he wallowed for a while, he noticed Peter left his phone in the workbench. He opened it, trying to find Ned’s number, hoping they hadn’t left for the party already. Tony calls him and Ned picks up on the first ring.

”Peter! Thank god! Where are you? I was getting worried!”

”Ned? This is Tony Stark. Is Peter not with you?”

“Oh! Mr. Stark! He’s not. We were supposed to meet an hour ago.” 

“He left an hour ago! You haven’t seen or heard from him at all?” 

”Uh, no. But I’m sure he’s alright. He probably just got mixed up and went straight to the party.” Ned didn’t sound too sure of himself. “I’ll look for him. I’m sure he’s fine,” he repeated and hung up. 

It’s not that Tony didn’t trust Ned to look for Peter, it’s just that Ned was a 15 year old boy and Tony was a grown man who has been dealing with this his whole life. Kidnappings, not kids.

Tony considered calling Rhodey or Pepper, but decided not to until he for sure can’t find him. Maybe this was a bad choice and he’s just being selfish because while he loved his friends, they did tend to freak out and over react a little bit and he just didn’t want to deal with that right now. He climbed in his car, taking Peter’s phone with him in case Ned found Peter. He drove along all the known paths to Ned’s house looking for any trace of him, and after getting the address from JARVIS, did the same with Liz’s house too. 

It became apparent Tony wouldn’t be able to find Peter. He had the rest of the weekend to find him before he inevitably has to tell May, but since he wasn’t ready to die, he would put off telling her until he has done everything he can to find Peter. He won’t be considered missing until he isn’t seen for 24 hours after all.

He knows he can’t go to the police right away (see above, not missing until 24 hours are up). In fact, he might not able to go to the police at all. He doesn’t want word going out that Tony Stark lost a kid. May and Peter’s lives would be brought into the spotlight and essentially ruined and he just couldn’t do that to them. He has one last option. He wouldn’t necessarily call it a last resort option, but it definitely isn’t the thing he would choose first.

He waits for the phone to be answered and prayed it wouldn’t go to voice mail. 

”Stark.”

”Nick, hey.”

”What do you want?”

These next words physically pained him to say, but he would do anything to save Peter. “I need your help. Peter- the kid I take care of- is missing.”

”Kidnapped or missing? And for how long?”

”Probably kidnapped and for about an hour.”

”An hour? Stark, does SHIELD look like a joke to you? He’s probably going through his rebellious phase and just want to get away from adults!” This infuriated Tony. Peter wasn’t that kind of kid. And Nick wasn’t in a position to turn him down. After all, his father did help found SHIELD and Stark Industries had been supplying weapons for them as long as Tony could remember, until he stopped making weapons of course. “Goodbye, Stark. Call me when you have an actual problem.”

Tony didn’t care what Nick said. Peter was missing and if SHIELD didn’t want to help Tony, he’ll find someone who will. 


	2. Steve

Steve had been out of the ice for a year now, and he hated every minute of it.  

He liked his teammates and he liked helping people, but Bucky and Peggy and everyone from his old life was gone. He was a hero working outside the law. He’s pretty sure Director Fury could take them in any time. He knew who they were. Nat and Clint used to be SHEILD agents and he rescued Steve from the ice. Coulson met Thor in New Mexico and there was a ninety percent chance he and Maria Hill were giving Natasha and Clint info on their cases.

Steve wasn’t sure why he was so upset. He actually found Bucky when Hydra had taken over SHIELD, though he still hadn’t fully recovered, and wasn’t the same Bucky he used to know. Steve knew he wouldn’t be the same, not really, but he couldn’t help missing the old Bucky, the one who would drag him to bars and double dates, the Bucky that would follow him to war, not the Bucky who avoids him because he “doesn’t want him to be disappointed he’s not the same.” Steve didn’t care if he’s not the same; he wanted to know the new Bucky, too. 

”Hey, Steve!” Nat called out, “We’ve got a new job.” 

“Really? I thought you said we were taking a break after Hydra,” Steve replied. “Ya know, to let Bucky recover.”

”This is important. A job with Tony Stark. Apparently he’s got a missing kid. Haven’t actually got the call, but we just got word that Fury turned him down and he’ll probably come to us next.”

Right. The Avengers. After Fury tried to enlist him to be his get-out-of-jail-free card (see? He was learning modern culture) to get away with anything he wants, but that just didn’t go with Steve’s morals. Natasha and Clint agreed to leave SHIELD and join him. It didn’t take much to convince Thor. He was all for doing good. And unlimited pop tarts. God, that man could eat a lot of pop tarts. So Steve grabbed his shield, Clint grabbed his bow, Thor his hammer, and Nat grabbed her knives. They assembled to make the world a better place, no matter how hard the police or press tried to change that. He once read an article that called him a “fraud hiding behind a star-spangled flag once worn by a great American hero.” 

There has been some controversy over his identity. Was he the original star-spangled man with a plan or simply a copycat? Everybody that knew him knew he was the same Steve Rogers that took up the shield in World War II. 

Steve went down to the common area. It’s more of a kitchen/dining room/common area because it’s hard enough to find a job in this economy without being in the ice for seventy years. Now that none of them had real jobs, they had to stay in a small two bedroom apartment. Natasha and Clint shared a room-they insisted; at first Steve thought they were in a relationship, but later he realized it was purely platonic-and Steve had his own room. He was going to share with Bucky, but he wanted to stay away from the Avengers until he could recover more. Thor didn’t stay with them because he insisted he was needed in Asgard. It had two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a kitchen just big enough to squeeze in a couch and tv. 

The Avengers were supposed to have five people, but since they were dropped by SHIELD, Bruce Banner, a.k.a. the Hulk, dropped out. He told them he would help them if it was really necessary, but he didn’t trust himself to control the Hulk and the agreed that it was best if he stayed in a stress-free environment, i.e. not with them. 

He plopped on the couch. “So, tell me about this job,” he inquired. 

”This kid Tony Stark, well, mentors for lack of a better word, Peter Parker, is believed to be kidnapped. I bet he’s going to be used for ransom, Nat informed them. “I already checked the security footage. They erased his whole route, so we have no leads. Since this is a big job, how much should we charge?” 

That was another thing Steve was uncomfortable with. He didn’t think they should charge people for needing to be rescued, but they need to get money somehow. Of course they only charged people for things like hostage situations, not when villains attack cities. Again, barista’s pay only can only cover so much of the rent. 

”Stark’s a rich guy. We could probably ask for a million dollars and he’d deliver,” Clint commented. “We’re not asking for a million dollars!” Steve argued. 

”No, but Clint’s right. We can ask for almost anything and he’d agree,” Nat said. “We know Stark really cares about this kid if he goes to Fury after an hour of him missing.” 

Steve was astonished. He sometimes forgot his teammate was a former assassin and felt no guilt taking what she wants. “We haven’t even gotten the call yet! He might not want to work with us. So let’s wait until he calls, then decide how we’re going to charge him,” Steve suggested. 

”Trust me, Steve,” Natasha replies. “He’s going to call us. Coulson’s directing him towards us as we speak. Anyways, I have a suggestion, Captain. We should have Stark make us our weapons from now on.”

”I thought he stopped,” Clint said. “He did, but he’ll start making them again if he wants to see Peter again,” Nat replies coldly. 

”No, he must have stopped for a reason! We shouldn’t make him do anything he doesn’t want to or we’ll be no better then the bad guys.” Steve has been told he can be a little too “righteous,” but he just considered it being a decent human being. “Oh, Captain, you can’t tell me a new shield doesn’t tempt you.” Nat stared him right in the eyes and Steve stared right back. Luckily, the phone rang, interrupting their staring contest. Nat picked up. “You’ve reached Natalie Rushman. May I ask who’s speaking?”

Her eyes met Steve’s and she nodded, indicating they got the code word correct. Clint got her a notebook and pen to right down the information even though they all knew she was perfectly capable of remember it on her own. She spoke with the caller for a few minutes before confirming to meet at the cafe where Steve works. 

She hung up and looks at the men. “That was Stark. We got the job.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m pretty sure this changes to present tense a few times and there are a few grammar/spelling errors and I’m sorry.


	3. Tony

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guess who has been binging Brooklyn 99 instead of writing?  
> Me! So I apologize for the length (or lack of) of this chapter.

Tony was suspicious.

First of all, Coulson was an agent of SHIELD and one of those people who probably sold out their friends to the teacher because he doesn’t like to break rules or disrespect authority which is why it’s weird he told him about the Avengers, a group of vigilantes who, as far as Tony knew, were working against SHIELD. Agent Coulson even told him the code to show he could be trusted. Tony couldn’t figure out why he knew it or why he hadn’t used it to trap them because (again) Avengers weren’t working with SHIELD. Second, what was with the weird warning? “The Avengers require pay and some of it may not be in money, so be careful Tony.” What does that even mean?  

He called them anyway, trying not to think about the warning too much. A woman named Natalie answered and arranged a meeting spot for them. Tony had never heard of it, but it sounded down low enough to not be over crowded and Natalie ensured him she would make sure he wouldn’t get recognized. 

* * *

 

When Tony arrived (five minutes ahead; he wanted to scope out the place before they met), he found Natalie was already there. She and a blond male rushed him to the back. “I know a guy,” was the only explanation he received when he questioned why she was allowed back there, but he was grateful because now he had even less of a chance of being recognized.

”So, you want us to find the boy you take care of who you believe was kidnapped,” she asked. It wasn’t really a question, more of a this-is-what-you-want statement. “Y-yeah,” he stuttered, taken back by the accuracy. “What, you guys psychics or something?”

Natalie opened her mouth to respond l, but blondie spoke first. “Or something.” He help out his hand. “You met Natalie earlier and I’m Clint,” he stopped, his face paling. “Natasha, I fucked up.”

Natalie-or maybe Natasha, Tony didn’t know, he’s just really confused-glares at him. “You would have never guessed you were a spy.” “I’m not!” He argued. “I’m a sniper! I don’t go undercover.”

”Now that my partner has ruined it, I figure it’s proper to introduce myself again. I’m Natasha and this is Clint,” she said on a monotone voice like it didn’t faze her. It probably didn’t. She seemed like one of those people who could keep her cool no matter the situation. “And I’m Tony.”

Before anyone could say anything else, a hot blond burst through the door but upon seeing the three of them, he stopped and managed to stutter out “I-I didn’t mean to intrude, I just-it’s just this is the supply room and I need something so I’ll just grab that.”

Natasha nodded to him and maybe it was just because he was a little on edge because his almost-son got kidnapped and he was pretty sure he was working with people who were technically criminals, but it seemed less like a nod of permission and more one of reassurance. The moment passed and the incredibly hot, ripped barista left. Did he mention the guys muscles? Those poor seams seemed to struggle to stay ever time he moved. Natasha and Clint turned back to Tony. “Now, we like to keep our meetings short, so I’m gonna tell you your story and you need to correct any info that’s wrong. Peter Parker, the kid you took care of for half a year, goes missing somewhere between your tower and his friends house. You found he was missing an hour after he left. You need our help to find him.”

”Uh, yeah I guess that’s correct,” Tony replied. He was surprised. He didn’t expect them to know the story with Clint blowing their cover before and whatnot. Natasha cleared her throat. “I hope you realize, Mr. Stark, that we do not do these things for free. We expect a payment and we have made two requests. One, three hundred thousand dollars in cash, and two, you become our weapon supplier.”

”Yes to the payment, no to the weapons,” Tony immediately responded. “What? Why?” Clint exclaimed. 

”Uh, because I don’t make weapons anymore.” “Aw,” Clint pouted. “Care to share?”

”No, not to a man I just met! I am a lady after all,” Tony grinned. Apparently Natasha was not in the mood for jokes because she snapped “Mr. Stark, if you ever want to see that boy again, I suggest you agree to the terms because we are the best there is and if anyone can find him, we can.”

Now Tony was definitely sure the blond barista(his tag said “Steve”) was working with them because he entered again to “grab more cookie straws” but left as soon as Natasha gave him a quick jerk of her head. 

Maybe it was because Tony was frustrated with these people, maybe it was because he had a natural instinct to make demands and have everyone follow through, but he ended up saying, “I will agree, but only if your whole team-and that includes the blond barista and god knows who else-meet me later and prove they can.”

The corner of Natasha’s mouth twitched into an almost smirk of what Tony thinks is impressment, but it’s hard to tell. It’s impossible to read that woman. “We’ll come to your tower,” Natasha replied, unfazed. “Meet us tomorrow at three pm. Meet us yourself. Don’t let anyone know about this.” 

She got up, called Clint to follow her, and walked out. Tony got up and watched Natasha strut out the store, Steve and Clint following her like lost puppies. He needed time to think of a negotiation; he didn’t want to go back to making weapons, especially because he wasn’t sure of the Avengers intentions. They seemed pretty shady and unprofessional from what he saw (what with the whole Natalie/Natasha debacle), and he saw the news; he knew the Avengers’ aliases (you know, Thor, Captain America, Black Widow, and Hawkeye) and they didn’t use them. Were they trying to give away their secret identities? 

He knew one thing. He had to do whatever it took to get Peter back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! Please comment because I thrive on attention! Bye!


	4. Steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry I haven’t been posting! I’ve been catching up on homework I need to do over the summer and I spent the last week on vacation. So thanks for waiting!

Steve never liked the plan. Clint said that’s a sign it’s a good one. Just enough risk and borderline immoral stuff to work.

Natasha told them the plan, but Steve didn’t know why she bothered. It was the same every time. Steve would work and occasionally check in while Natasha and Clint talked to the client. Clint would “accidentally” use his actual name instead of his code one and he would call Nat by her real name. Steve worried it made them look unprofessional and stupid (who would trust spies who mess up code names to rescue loved ones?) but she said it would make the client feel superior and therefore let their guard down and be easy to manipulate. Steve really didn’t have any choice other than to trust her because, after all, she was the expert.

 

Clint and Nat got to the cafe about the same time Steve has to arrive for his shift (about an hour before the scheduled meeting) to bug the place. Stark arrived a few minutes ahead. Steve didn’t see him because they went through the back entrance, but Natasha told him over the coms. He listened in and figured he better go check on them, and he was running low on ingredients on the shelves so that wasn’t a complete lie. He was supposed to go in, make an excuse so Stark didn’t get suspicious, see what Stark looked like incase he posed a threat, and leave. But when he went in, his eyes went immediately to Tony Stark.

 

He’d seen him in the news and would say he was a pretty attractive guy, but that hardly compared to the way he looked in person. He had the biggest doe eyes that shone against tan skin and Steve could help but watch the way his mouth moved as he trailed off what he was going to say. Of course, Steve, like an idiot, stuttered over his words and seemed more like a bumbling fool than Captain America.

 

He walked pass the door multiple times and peered through the small window to take a peek at Stark. He could see the resemblance to Howard, but like, ten times hotter. Steve told himself over that this was a client. He couldn’t be attracted to him.

Anyway, all the looks were merely physical. He had seen an interview where Stark had disrespected Howard’s name and he was notorious for his hate for his dad for a number of reasons, and at the same time, no reason at all.

 

* * *

 

 

“Remember, we’re representing the Avengers. I will do most of the talking.” Nat’s voice was the stern one she used on clients and Clint when he complained, which he was doing now. “Why? We understand the plan right, Steve?” Clint whined. “Because I am the spy. You are a sniper and Steve is a Captain. I am the most qualified,” Natasha shot back. “Ready?” At the two men’s nods, she hacked the keypad and snuck into the building, gesturing for them to follow her.

 

They found Tony in lab. It wasn’t hard to sneak up on him because he was blasting music through his speakers and muttering to himself.

“Hello, Tony,” Natasha had to practically shout.

He jumped. “JARVIS, turn off the music!” The music suddenly stopped. “How did you get in?”

“Hacked our way in,” Clint said before Nat could get anything out. That, of course, earned him a glare full of promise to harm him in every way possible if he interrupted again.

“JAR, why didn’t you tell me they were here?” Tony spoke to the ceiling again. The last thing Steve expected was for the so called “JARVIS” to answer him. “You put me on mute, sir.”

 

Steve found many things from the twenty-first century weird; social media, cell phones, basically anything to do with new technology (don’t get him wrong, he loved it, but it was just... different), but one thing he never thought he’d see (or, in this case, hear) was a man in the ceiling. Sure, he’d heard those voices in the phone, but in the house? It reminded him of Clint’s obsession with those evil robot movies.

 

“Mr. Stark, we’re here on behalf of the Avengers.” Natasha said. Stark seemed to tense a little.

“I thought I said to bring everyone. I need to meet the people who I may send to save my son.” Natasha bristled at this. She always got so annoyed when people demanded to meet them “in real life” before they agreed. Steve could understand why. He didn’t think he would trust a bunch of strangers to save Bucky from HYDRA without meeting them first. Then again, he understood they couldn’t go meet everyone in their identities incase of a trap. Natasha always researched their clients first and so far they’ve never run into one, but better safe than sorry, Steve supposed.

 

“Mr. Stark, with all due respect, we can’t have the Avengers meeting everyone. They’ve had a lot of assignments with the fall of SHIELD to HYDRA.” Steve said. He knew Natasha wanted her to do the talking, but she was not the best people person and tended to scare them away when she got annoyed.

“Who are you?” Stark replied, as if he hadn’t noticed him before. Steve held out his hand. “Steve Walters, sir.”

Steve had to go with a fake name because while it wasn’t the focus of the media at his tome, his name was public knowledge, and it would be too risky to reveal his real name incase someone linked it to Captain America. It was risky enough showing his face to the son of Howard Stark (What if he showed him pictures without the cowl?), they couldn’t let him know Steve’s real name. They considered sending Thor instead of him, but none of them wanted to tell Thor to shave and cut his hair. He was strangely attached to it and even if he did, Steve doubted he could pass as him because 1) Stark had already seen him enough to recognize he was part of the operation, and 2) Thor was still catching up on modern language and he still hasn’t reached the part where regular people don’t shout their every word.

 

“Ok, Steve-“ Stark started. Natasha interrupted him before he could get anything else out. “Mr. Stark, we were sent to determine if this was a big enough job to negotiate our terms. I hope you realize we some very important other clients who we could be tending to right now, but have decided to give you a chance. Don’t waste our time.”

“A chance to what?” Stark questioned. “You said you were giving me a chance. A chance to what exactly?” Natasha frowned. “A chance to change my mind, negotiate, what?” He pushed.

“A chance to agree to our terms,” she shot back without missing a beat. “What were those terms again?” he asked, turning around to place the wrench in his hand on the counter. Steve’s eyes widened at his ass. _No, Steve_ , he thought. _Pay attention_.

“You give us three hundred thousand dollars in cash and supply our weapons for the next five years,” Clint piped up.

Stark’s face hardened. “I will give you the money but will only give you one round of new weapons.” Clint rose to the challenge. “Four hundred thousand and three years of weapons.” “Five hundred thousand, but only one year of weapons.” “Six hundred thousand dollars and you got a deal.” Stark stopped for a moment, thinking it over. “Fine, but if Peter gets hurt while you’re rescuing him, the deal for the weapons is off.”

Clint and Stark shook on it and Steve was pretty sure Natasha was drawing up a contract as they spoke.

“Thank you, Mr. Stark, we’ll have to Avengers get back to you as soon as possible.” In Natasha talk, that meant long enough for the client to get anxious while still giving them time to save the victim with leeway.

She gestured for Steve and Clint to follow and walked to the elevator. It opened as soon as she got there and waited for for the boys to hurry in until it moved.

Natasha had a triumphant smile on her face, but Steve didn’t feel the same way. They may have won the negotiation, but he could tell it would be difficult to work with Stark.

 

* * *

 

 

A lot of people judged Natasha by the way she acted in meetings, as she liked to call them, but once she let loose, she was actually quite fun. Terrifying, but fun none the less.

 

They were having one of their movie nights. Thor was in town so he got to choose the movie. Of course, that merely meant that Clint chose because Thor was not familiar with Midgardian movies.

“Who wants popcorn?” Steve brought the large bowl in, filled with homemade popcorn drenched in butter per Clint’s request. He squeezed himself between Thor and Nat on the couch (which was no small feat) and gave the bowl to Clint to hold. “Friend Clinton!” Thor’s voice boomed, “Put the Office on the box!” Thor had more to learn about the twenty first century than Steve does.

“A show? Really, Clint?” Nat complained, “Its movie night, not show night.” “What?” Clint exclaimed, “The Office is a privilege both Steve and Thor have missed out on!” “Yeah, but...”

They bickered like they always did and it was so normal, Steve almost forgot his job. That is, until Clint brought it up.

“Hey, speaking of offices, we should totally ask Stark to get us a house.” Nat said, “Those two aren’t even related!” “The office will be in the home, duh,” Clint shot back, “and Stark’s a rich enough guy-“

“Hey!” Steve intervened, turning feeling in his stomach. “No work talk during movie night.”

“I must agree with Steven,” Thor said. “Work is for the day; at night, we feast and be merry!”

Clint stuck his tongue out at them like the responsible adult he is, but returned his attention back to turning on the show. The so-called feast included popcorn, candy, and Asgardian mead Thor brought from his home. Steve knew at the end of the night they would be shit-faced drunk, including him, but he would love some distractions.

Somehow, all of them ended up drunk off their asses (not surprising) and playing kfm (very surprising). “Ok, ok,” Clint struggled to say. “My turn. Bruce Banner, Nick Fury, or... Tony Stark.”

“Kill Stark, fuck Bruce, and marry Fury,” Natasha said without hesitation. She seemed to be the least drunk of all them, which said a lot because she was currently struggling to sit up after being sprawled on Clint in the chair. Steve, who was currently lying across the floor, spoke up. “What? No way. Why?”

Nat shrugged. “Fuck Bruce ‘cause he’s sweet, marry Fury to use his position of power to do what I want, and kill Stark through the process of elimination. What about you, Blondie?”

Steve wasn’t entirely sure who she was talking to (they were all blond after all), but answered anyway. “Kill Nick, marry Bruce, and fuck Stark,” he slurred. “Yeah, I would fuck Stark. He has the nicest ass.” Steve sat up, cradling the nearly empty bottle while envisioning Tony’s butt. “I mean, did you guys see it? It’s everything I could ever want from life.”

Steve has a secret. He is most definitely a butt guy. Back in the war, he was constantly getting inappropriate erections because he saw a hot ass on a soldier. While sober, he knew how to keep it professional and hide his “secret”, but while drunk, he was spewing his nonsense all over the place.

The rest of the team just stared at him. “Wha’?” Clint asked, clearly confused. Steve broke the uncomfortable silence by shouting “My turn!” Clint and Natasha jumped. God, he was a loud drunk. “Thor,” He slurred.

The only response he got was a loud snore. Nat bursted into laughter and Clint chuckled, though you could tell he was fighting sleep. A few rounds later, they were all pasted out cold in the living room.

 

* * *

 

 

Steve woke up to the sound of sizzling bacon. He tried to sit up, but that movement caused a shot of pain to move through his head. He groaned. Steve felt Nat hand him a cup of cold water and an Advil. “Hungover?” She asked.

“You’re not?” Steve answered, gulping down the Advil and water. “Nope,” she said, “I’m Russian. I don’t get hungover.”

“Where’s Thor?” He questioned, looking around. Clint was still passed out on the couch, but Thor was nowhere to be seen. “Raiding the pantry for pop tarts. What else would he be doing?” She answered. “Oh right.”

 

Steve tried racking his brain to remember what happened last night, but came up blank. The last thing he remembered was Thor handing him his own bottle and giving one to Nat and Clint to share. “What happened last night?”

Nat shrugged. “Who knows? But today we need to work on Stark’s case, okay?”

 

 

Right. Stark’s case. Fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drunk Steve is low key based on my cousin.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic! I don’t think it’s very good right now and it’s probable a little confusing but I’ll try my best to make it better!


End file.
